PINKSHEET....April 19, 1997
Welcome to the Pink Sheet, a completely random list of garbled sorta-fact and boldfaced opinion. Here goes.
"I live in an apartment building where no one is on a first name basis. I know more about idiot actors in hollywood that i've never met than I do about the womyn who lives next door to me (and is probably more interesting)." --Moby
The above quote is from an essay printed on the insert of Vegan Christian Mixmaster Moby's CD Everything is Wrong. I read it earlier this week and it really hit home and inspired me to act! So, in an effort to begin to bond with my friends and relatives in the same way I've bonded with all of the "idiot actors in hollywood" who populate my fantasies, I've cast the film of my life story so far (coincidently titled Everything is Wrong). Here is an abridged version of what the end credits might look like. I've included exposition wherever I thought it necessary. If anyone reading this has felt that their participation in this "greatest story ever told" has been overlooked, please let me know and I will rectify the situation.
EVERYTHING IS WRONG
"Never having love means...you're sorry!
A Thomas Schlamme Film
CAST (in order of appearance)
Thich Nhat Hanh.....as himselfDarren Norris.....Eric StoltzSandra (Norris) Zellhart.....Madelane KahnDon Norris.....Eric RobertsYoung Darren Norris.....Lucas BlackFriend K-9th grade, Dale Griffo .....Jonathan Taylor ThomasYoung Leslie Norris.....BrandyTerry Zellhart.....Robert Loggia....."Back in Pontiac, we used to listen to the Four Crows..."Anne Evans Norris.....Christina FerrariFriend 4-6th,Kevin Katchaturian .....Meeno Palucci6th grade goddess, Heidi Robbins.....Alicia SilverstoneCaeser.....MittensJoe Penano.....Keanu ReevesJunior High Nemesis, Doug LeCock.....Mickey Rourke....."That hurt!? I wasn't even punching you that hard!"Friend 11-12th, Steve Broberg.....Steve GutenbergMrs. Clayborne.....Cheryl LaddBrad Hague.....Carey ElwesThe Late, Great Brad Hackman.....Jim CarreyGreg Van Trump.....Christopher WalkenMatt Byrd.....Matthew ModineUnrequited Love Interest, Lynda Sanchez.....Jennifer TillyProm Date, Kelly Jo Hansen.....Mary Stuart MastersonParamour for a Day, Gisela Trapp.....Courtney LoveFreshman Year College Roommate, Alex Shatsky.....Mike MyersDennis Somera.....Lou Diamond PhillipsKeelan "Sweet Key" Hayes.....Wesley SnipesHeartbreaker of the Century, Phoebe Motto.....Janeane Garafolo...."There just isn't something about you, Darren."More Unrequited Love, Maureen O'Leary.....Liv TylerEvan Hartzell.....Chris IsaacsLaura Alvarez.....Marina SirtusWould-be Paramour, Helene Kim.....Margaret ChoJeff Demoff.....Rob MorrowMichael Kelleher.....Bill PaxtonJustine Enes.....Susan SarandonKurt Cobain....Brad PittAdam Waters.....Wiley WigginsYoung Ali McGraw.....Brooke LangdonCousin Eric Benson.....Chris FarleyUncle Kris Benson.....James WoodsBig Boss, Kaname Hayashi.....Jackie ChanIrish Raincloud over Japan, Susan Morton.....Helen MirrenKaren Ho.....Tia CarreraParamour, Sanae Shigemasa.....Joan ChenPoet/Scholar, Jesse Wolfe.....Richard DreyfussJapanese/Italian-Canadian Crooner, Massimo Savino.....Jeff GoldblumMartin Brown.....David SchwimmerManisha Masher.....Marisa TomeiLeslie Norris Shaw.....Annette BeningTony Shaw.....Will SmithLuc.....as himselfGreg "Frankie Longwood" Franklin.....Nicholas CageRoger Franklin.....Dan HagertyBecky Franklin.....Jan HooksDan Franklin.....Leonardo DiCaprioJason Heffel.....Penn GiletteJim Downs.....Ewan McGregorKaye Erickson.....Juliette LewisRoland V. Wilson III.....Henry WinklerRenee Becker.....Julia RobertsGreg Medley.....Denzel WashingtonJulie Bridge.....Jenny McCarthyMichael Stevens.....John MalkovichAaron Margosian.....Eric BogosianCathy Shuck.....Goldie HawnJoshua Allen.....Tim RobbinsPam Torno.....Phoebe CatesPadu Bergamo.....Sandra BernhartKelli Rush.....Gina GershonMatt Slater.....Robert Downey Jr.Chris Cornell.....Tom SizemoreMark Nelson.....Tim RothPerbloland.....The Voice of James Earl JonesRoger Ebert.....as himself
"God Moving Over the Face of the Waters"
Performed by Moby
"Aquarius/Let the Sun Shine In"
Performed by Moby
"Soul Man"
Performed by Maxwell
"Make it with You"
Performed by Jewel
"Princess Leia's Theme"
Performed by John Williams and the London Philharmonic
"September"
Performed by Jamiroquai
"Kashmir"
Performed by Live
"Another One Bites the Dust"
Performed by The Red Hot Chili Peppers
"Auf Wiedersen"
Performed by Smashing Pumpkins
"Whole Lotta Rosie"
Performed by The Mutilators
"People are Strange"
Performed by Marilyn Manson
"Everyday I Write the Book"
Peformed by The Wallflowers
"Thunder Road"
Performed by the Demonics
"Are You Going With Me?"
Performed by The Pat Metheny Group
"Diary of a Madman"
Performed by The Prodigy
"Little Red Corvette"
Performed by Fiona Apple
"Walkin' In L.A."
Performed by No Doubt
"Talk About the Passion"
Performed by Hootie and the Blowfish
"Hero Takes a Fall"
Performed by Sleater-Kinney
"Bastards of Young"
Performed by The Goo Goo Dolls
"Panic"
Performed by Rancid
"Dirty Diana"
Performed by Veruca Salt
"Hanging Gardens"
Performed by Nine Inch Nails
"Happy Hour"
Performed by The Cardigans
"Rachminoff Piano Concierto No. 2"
Performed by Michael Tilson Thomas and the SF Symphony Orchestra
"Touch of Grey"
Performed by Blues Traveler
"I Against I"
Performed by The Fugees
"Black Steel in the Hour of Chaos"
Performed by Rage Against The Machine
"Blackened"
Performed by Glamazon
"Welcome to the Jungle"
Performed by The Loudmouths
"Peace Sells (But Who's Buying)"
Performed by The Offspring
"Me, Myself and I"
Performed by Beck
"New York Flat Top Box"
Performed by Naked City
"Negative Creep"
Performed by Bush
"When Big Joan Sets Up"
Performed by The Reverend Horton Heat
"Theme from 'Love Story'"
Performed by Combustible Edison
"I Just Wasn't Made for these Times"
Performed by Aphex Twin
"My Favorite Town (is Osaka)"
Performed by Luscious Jackson
"You Make Lovin' Fun"
Performed by Alanis Morrissette
"Plush"
Performed by Stone Temple Pilots
"Burma Train"
Performed by Martin Denny
"I Lied"
Performed by Spain
"Mama Coco"
Performed by Coolio
"Mucha Muchacha"
Performed by Squirrel Nut Zippers
"Theme from 'Melrose Place'"
Performed by Orbital
"I.O."
Performed by The Green Angels
"Find It"
Performed by Cibo Matto
"Piss on the Wall
Performed by the J. Geils Band
Soundtrack available on Arista Records
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